Comrades,

I care about Nithsdale more than anywhere else (except the treat cupboard). It’s where I was born and has been my home ever since. I remember running in the fields as a pup, chasing rabbits in the woods and meeting fellow canines on my travels. Being outdoors is one of my greatest joys. The scent of squirrels in the air, fast flowing rivers, the cool morning breeze ruffling my ears… Nothing beats it. But of equal importance, I care about the welfare of pets and all animals and I want all animals to feel the visceral joy of escaping the confines of a leash and running wild through the woods, the faint calls of “BASIL COME BACK” barely registering.

I pledge to create an equal society where all pets (with minor exclusions) have the right to have an education, to vote and so much more. This is why, as a member of the Society Of Dogs party (SOD) I encourage you to elect me as your representative in the Scottish Parliament, on 6th of May 2026.

All animals are equal (but clearly some are more equal than others, in the case of cats). Personally, I think Old Major had the right idea. Animals are not the slaves of humans and we can think for ourselves. If anything, we are far more important and intellectually superior to humans. We can run faster, we can hunt better, we can swim in rivers and lakes without the need for sissy heated pools. We’re tough and we’re resilient. Without us dogs, where would humans be? Well comrades, I’ll tell you. The blind would be walking into lampposts and overconfident climbers would be stuck up cliffs. We literally save lives. We sniff out your cancer, detect bombs and drugs, rescue you foolish lot on a daily basis, and lastly, give you comfort, and friendship. Humans eyesight is weaker, their scent of smell basic, their hearing poor and their understanding limited. They need us, far more than we need them. All these years dogs and other animals have selflessly acted out of the goodness of our hearts, but it is now time, comrades, that we take our place as equal members of society.

I have a dream comrades. I have a dream that one day my four legged friends will not be judged by the colour of their fur but by the content of their character. And by supporting me, comrades, this dream can become reality.

Through uniting the animals, I will revolutionise Scotland and fill every Scottish animal’s life with fairness and unity. I will always put my constituents before myself. These are some of my pledges:

Humans, If your pet is under 6yrs of age you will be able to apply for the Scottish Pet Payment (S.P.P). Anyone can apply for this as long as the animal you register is not a cat. No cats allowed. Food, the burning of leads, dental care, toys, blankets, beds or even family outings can all be funded by S.P.P. Every two weeks, £10 will be transferred to your bank account to help look after your dog, rabbit, bird, snake, or polar bear, (cats not included) . If S.P.P appeals to you, vote Basil, the pooch who is proud to support Scottish pets – but not those demons of the underworld, cats.

Every pet owner has the legal obligation to look after their furry friends. The Animal Health and Welfare (Scotland) Act 2006 was approved so that every owner has a legal responsibility for their animals. In the Welfare of Dogs: Code of Practice it states that your dog should be well trained and have enough exercise. But I pledge to extend this list to include that all animals should have a reasonable education. We here in Scotland believe that as it is a human right that every person must receive an education, this should also extend to animals? Wouldn’t you like your pet to be able to multiply like a calculator or to compose a speech as eloquent as I? I will build new schools for all animals. Even cats, so long as they bark. If you want your pet to be as edyoo educated as me, vote Basil, the best of them all.

All too many times, I have been unceremoniously booted from my bed, kicked off my couch and deposited downstairs, forced into a small and frankly offensive “dog bed”. There are four perfectly functioning mattresses upstairs, but heaven forbid I attempt to stretch out and nap on one! “No Basil, that’s my bed,” “Basil get my blankets out of your mouth” “Basil I’ve just washed these sheets!” Cant a pooch get a bit of shut eye around here?! I’m sure many of you poor pets can relate. This segregation and blatant prejudice needs to end. It is for this reason, that if I am elected I will put an end to the sad and pathetic separation and treat four legs and two with equality. It will be law that your pet will sleep wherever they want (excluding cats of course because they will make our beds smell and infect them with their cattiness). Together we will end the cycle of discrimination.

Finally, it’s important to mention food. More specifically, the crusty, dry, flavourless kibble we have no choice but to force down each day. Imagine if humans were relegated to one horrible meal a day, there would be an uprising in days. Whether humans think that we enjoy this cardboard, or simply pick it because it is a cheaper alternative to real food is unknown. What I do know, however, is that we deserve exemplary eggs, fried delicacies, meats, fish and every other privileged meal that many selfish humans take for granted. Under my rule, and my proposed “Freedom of Food” bill, this will become readily available to all animals and financial support will be in place to assist our humans.

I also acknowledge that the kibble business is quite large and this bill could cause people to lose their jobs if it went out of business. I care about everyone in Nithsdale, not only pets, and this is why I have come up with a solution. The kibble manufacturers will not go out of business because kibble will still be bought. Cats are not included in this proposed bill because (although I haven’t asked them) I’m sure they love kibble, and would be happy to make this sacrifice for us. It’s a win-win situation.

These are the kind of marvellous decisions I would make if I was elected. Equality for everyone, better lives for everyone, happiness for everyone and freedom for everyone. If you believe in not just existing but living life to its fullest, vote Basil, the best pooch of them all.

*please note, cats do not apply as ‘everyone’

Yours Sincerely,

Basil Owens

Founding member of the SOD party