Not Worth Moan(a)ing About
(My boyfriend and I are hanging around the toy section of a supermarket. There is a stuffed Hei Hei [the derpy chicken from “Moana”] that makes noise when you press…[...]
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Three Different Types Of Monster
(My husband works nights, and is often extremely tired during the day, but he sleeps very erratically, so it’s hard to plan his eating schedule. I try to help him.…[...]
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Sizing Up To Be A Nice House
(After years of scrimping, planning, and renting a tiny room in a small condo to save money, my husband and I are buying a house. We’re still constantly staggered by…[...]
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A Shocking Mother-In-Law
(In my husband’s family, his mother is referred to as “Nana” by our son and his cousins. At the time of this story, I am doing homework for a medical…[...]
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I Don’t Hate Men, Just You
(I’m at the library, minding my own business, when a man old enough to be my father approaches me. He’s not a total stranger; we have seen each other at…[...]
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Not Taking The Quickest Route(r)
(I’m doing some writing on my computer, while my husband is in another room, when he calls over…)Husband: “Hey, can you access the Internet? It’s not working on my phone.”Me:…[...]
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He Likes Them Green
(I am a high school sophomore who is required to log service hours, and I decide to log some at a community center’s fundraiser. I’m a biracial [black and white]…[...]
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Bra-zen Behavior
(My wife is very busty. One day, I am drinking tea, and she comes out of the bedroom with just her bra on.)Wife: “Hey, I got a new bra. I…[...]
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Karma Strikes, Not With A Whimper…
(My husband and I are relaxing at home, when he snaps shut the book he was reading. Our cat leaps about a foot in the air and looks around with…[...]
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Making A Complete Boob Of Himself, Part 2
(My husband and I are sitting at home on a Sunday afternoon. I haven’t been feeling well.)Me: “Ugh. My boobs are sore.”Husband: “Why?”Me: “I don’t know. They just are; they’re…[...]
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What A Complete Waist
(My boyfriend, his parents, and I are at a Japanese steakhouse, waiting for the chef to finish the food. Somehow we get to the topic of Disney princesses and their…[...]
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Looks Like The Cat’s Out Of The Bag
(Our current apartment is too small to section off “Cat Free Zones” for my husband’s allergies, so [Cat] has been living with my parents until recently. He is only seven…[...]
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My Moon And My Stars
(I’m swapping silly “I love yous” with my significant other:)Me: “Also, I earths you.”Me: “…and moons…”Me: “…and other assorted celestial bodies.”Significant Other: “You moons me?”Me: “Uh… that was maybe poorly…[...]
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Pregnant With Concern
(Recently, my 18-year-old daughter has been going through some health issues, and her boyfriend has been nothing but accommodating and helpful. My daughter tells me about a recent text conversation:)Boyfriend:…[...]
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Doesn’t Have That Friday Feeling
(It’s Friday, a workday in the USA. I make my wife and myself breakfast every day, typically eggs and toast.)Me: “I have to go, I’m late.”Wife: “Late for what?”Me: “I…[...]
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Life Beat You To It
(My dad has decided he is going to invent a board game, so there are papers with ideas lying around the place. Mum has decided to clean up.)Dad: “Don’t throw…[...]
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The Hero Of My Dreams
(My wife usually wakes up after I have already left for work. This morning I get a text from her.)Wife: “You were mean to me last night. First you kept…[...]
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The Definition Is Fluid
(I have made some new friends, and I am discussing them with my boyfriend.)Me: “…and then there’s [Friend’s Name], but they usually go by [Gender-Neutral Name].”Boyfriend: “Because she’s a tomboy?”Me:…[...]
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Your Hidden Agendas
(My husband and I are coming close to our first wedding anniversary when we move to a new apartment. Apparently, worried that I will discover his card, my husband hides…[...]
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Managed To Turn It All Around
(My boyfriend is working in the study as I’m coming out of the bathroom. I enter the study, completely naked, and stand behind him.)Me: “Hi, I’m a distraction.”Boyfriend: “Then I…[...]
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An Explosive Romance
(I write romance novels, and I’m stuck on a particular bit of banter. My husband walks past my office while I’m staring off into space.)Me: “Hey, what do people turn…[...]
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They Don’t Play For Your Team In This Bar
(I’m at a gay sports bar. I notice one guy that I think is cute, so I go over to talk.)Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”Stranger: “Doing all right.”Me: “Cool. Enjoying…[...]
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Ice Cream Can Never Fail
(My partner picks me up from university, with their sister in tow. We take their sister to the local pizza place to pick up her takeaway order, and while she’s…[...]
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We’re Not Toying With You Anymore
(My boyfriend is the bad customer in this story. We’re picking up a few things for our dog at a pet store when he comes across an aisle of squeaky…[...]
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Underwear Beware
(My boyfriend and I are in bed at night, binge watching a TV series. We live with his father, so walking around the house in a state of undress is a…[...]
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He’ll Do Things With His Thingy
(My fiancée is currently working late shifts, so he is in bed when I leave for work in the morning. I usually give him a kiss goodbye, but I have…[...]
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Go Nude Or Go Home
(It’s about four am when I receive a call from my boyfriend, who works third shift. I’m a fairly heavy sleeper, and it takes a while for me to wake…[...]
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Must Be Working The Midnight Shift
(I tend to dress rather casually at work and, on this day, I’ve worn a bright orange T-shirt with my usual jeans. When I get home after work:)Me: “You know,…[...]
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You Just Know The Vegans Are Not Going To Be Chill(i) About This
(My fiancée and I discover a brand of frozen food that is amazing. We notice upon purchase that it is gluten free, but it takes us a while longer to…[...]
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Found Yourself A True Renaissance Man
(This is the second year I’ve gone to the local Renaissance fair with my boyfriend, and the first year I’ve had any kind of money to spend, so I’m quite…[...]
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Keeping Things Clean In This Relationship
(My partner has severe OCD. Thanks to a particularly disgusting scene in a certain movie about a hotel for dogs, they get sick if human hair wraps around their hands,…[...]
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A Marriage That Hookers You In
(My husband and I work near each other and carpool to work. He is dropping me off at my office.)Me: “I really don’t feel like doing [work task] today.”Husband: *in…[...]
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Cross That Bridge When You Come To It
(My boyfriend and I are going on a walk across a bridge over the river. We’ve only been together a couple of months, so it isn’t super serious yet.)Me: *as…[...]
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A Man’s Duty Is Not About Booty
(I’m 17 and my friend has suckered me into working at my first job selling alarm systems door-to-door. They drop us off at random locations that we’re expected to canvas…[...]
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Putting Those Texts Into Context
(My partner’s brother got married about two months ago.)Partner: “His texts all have an undertone of happy to them! He’s clearly still in the newlywed phase!”Me: *because I’m a terrible…[...]
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My Partner Is Not So Smart (Phone)
(I have just gotten a new cellphone, and am entering numbers into it.)Girlfriend: “You should put your number in there, in case you lose it!”Me: “Good idea!” *I start to…[...]
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My Husband The T-Rex
Me: *making toast in the kitchen* “What are you looking for?”Husband: “Paper towel.”Me: *hands it to him; it is right next to his hand* “Wow, that really was a man-look.”Husband:…[...]
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Make Love, Not Warcraft, Fifth Expansion
I am 18, and have a boyfriend who is addicted to World of Warcraft. Sometimes his addiction gets the better of him.We are standing in the kitchen talking about something,…[...]
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Leaving This Argument Behind
(We don’t argue very often but when we do, my husband usually makes a comment that I should just pack up and leave. It’s never him doing the leaving; it’s…[...]
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That Was Rebound To Happen
(My fiancé and I have this silly thing where one of us will say something like, “There’s a cupcake,” and the other will say, “You’re a cupcake.” One day this…[...]
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Do Not Make Contact With Your Girlfriend
(I am waiting for my boyfriend at a restaurant and this happens:)Stranger With Glasses: *walks up to me* “Hey, beautiful.”(The stranger kisses me before I can react. I freak out…[...]
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A Truly Capital Relationship
(I have recently taken a job as a merchandiser. I have had a rough day, so after work I seek validation from my wife. She’s an anarchist, so I know…[...]
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A Very Touching Disaster
(My boyfriend and I are in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. He has an old down pillow that he sleeps with. He grabs the pillow from behind his…[...]
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Wazoo Cramps
(My wife has a love-hate relationship with ibuprofen: it makes her drowsy, but it’s also the only thing that soothes her menstrual cramps.)Wife: “Ooh… cramps just kicked in. Ibuprofen up…[...]
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He Can Go Sleep In The Garage
(Our two-car garage is a mess. My husband insists I have to help tidy it.)Husband: “We’ll take sides; you do that side and I’ll do this side. Most of the…[...]
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A Disagreement To Bring The House Down
Early in my marriage, it became quickly apparent that my new wife had much higher, and therefore pricier, standards when it came to residences than I did. We were both…[...]
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She Eats People Like You For Breakfast
(My friend is working the drive-thru. After the customer gives his order and pulls to the window, this lovely exchange happens:)Customer: “You know, a guy like me likes to see…[...]
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Chips Trump Love
(My fiancé and I are eating Mexican takeout at home. He holds out his hand, and I take it.)Fiancé: “No, I wanted chips, not your hand.”[...]
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Smothering With A Different Kind Of Love
(My wife and I are getting ready for bed. She’s been suffering from her allergies, stuffed up really bad. This night, it’s considerably worse than others. I do not condone…[...]
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Scouting For The Saddest Joke
(My wife used to be a Boy Scout and was kicked out at 18 for being gay, before she came to terms with being a woman. So, I am surprised…[...]
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And You’re Mean To Boot
(My husband and I are getting ready for the day when following conversation happens.)Me: “I told someone on the internet that they are wrong. Someone attacked my personality and I…[...]
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Not Really Feline This Relationship
Partner: *from the next room* “You know I love you!”Me: *touched at this sweet, out-of-the-blue comment* “Thanks, Sweetie. I love you, too.”Partner: *pauses* “I was talking to the cat.”[...]
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All Relationships Start Out Cheesy
(My fiancé has recently proposed to me. We rent our home next door to my father in an effort to save money. This can be convenient at times, if my…[...]
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Sympathy Is Number One
(Flu season is really bad this year, and despite vaccination, I catch a nasty case. I’m really bad at being sick, and my husband and I argue about how much…[...]
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Your Skeletons Don’t Need To Be In The Closet
(My boyfriend is notorious for not noticing things in our living space. I have to put things right in front of him for him to notice, and even then it’s…[...]
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A Piercing Attack From Chauvinism
(I work at a world-renowned brand of high class hotels, and most people are pretty surprised when they see me in a suit with piercings in my face — I…[...]
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Stupid Minds Think Alike
(It is our day off and my boyfriend and I each make something simple to eat for lunch. I mix salsa and sour cream together just to eat with some…[...]
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Finally Made Her Crack
(My boyfriend has always had a problem with me cracking my knuckles. He’s tried everything to get me to stop. On one occasion, I am about to crack my knuckles…[...]
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Really Hates Green
(My husband and I have had some really stressful months this year and we are really at the end of our mental and emotional resources. We recently had a big…[...]
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A TV-Perfect Wedding
(There’s a TV series I’m a big fan of that features two brothers. The brothers are very different and don’t get along, and fans of this show tend to side…[...]
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Couldn’t Let That Fluttershy Just Flutter By
(I’m sitting in the bedroom, listening to my husband play a video game in the next room. It’s a space flight game, and uses a “frame ship drive” to jump…[...]
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A Clumsy Attempt At Dating
(My boyfriend and I have only been dating about a month, and I’ve warned him that I am horribly clumsy and he’ll probably spend a lot of time in emergency…[...]
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Got That Whey Wrong
(I am living with my mom, who is renting space from another woman who lives with her son. There has been some fooling around between her son and me periodically,…[...]
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Make Your Blood Run Cold
(My boyfriend has a German Shepherd who, while playing at the dog park, cut his paw on something. We are looking at the injury on our bed, trying to keep…[...]
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Not Your Happy Place
Me: “You know that ‘Happy’ song that you really hate?”Husband: “Uh-huh.”Me: “I heard it playing somewhere when I was out running errands today. You know that part where it goes…[...]
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I’m Totally Coconuts About You
(During the early days of my courtship with my husband, we have many long conversations. We often ask each other things about ourselves. During one such talk, I tell him…[...]
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Have Reached Your Mac Potential
(My wife likes to make mac and cheese from scratch, but I usually make it from a box.)Wife: “Do we have any cheese?”Me: “I think so.”Wife: “If we do, I’ll…[...]
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Deadly Pillow Talk
(It’s our wedding anniversary and my husband’s cousin is congratulating us.)Cousin: *to me* “I don’t know how you’ve put up with him so long. What’s the trick?”Me: “He keeps struggling…[...]
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Pure Precious Jealousy
(I met my husband when we both worked for a grocery store. We’ve only been dating a few months at this point, and I like to pick on him about…[...]
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My Boyfriend The Arsonist
(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.)Me: “Hey.”Boyfriend: “Hey. How are you?”Me: “I’m good. How’re you?”Boyfriend: “I’m— OH, S***! HANG ON A SECOND!”Me: “What? Okay?”Boyfriend: *after a moment* “Okay, I’m…[...]
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Let’s Vaguely Saunter Into The Sunset
(My boyfriend and I are cuddled up watching TV and playfully talking about eloping. I am notoriously lazy.)Me: “Let’s run away together!”Boyfriend: “You realise the word ‘run’ is in there,…[...]
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Messy In More Ways Than One
(I have a sore throat and just started my period. My boyfriend is off to the store to get me some supplies. I ask him to bring some honey for…[...]
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Seems To Think Fifty No’s Means A Yes
(My sister’s a very sweet girl who naturally smiles as she talks, and so she tends to make friends easily, but it also causes the following to occur during her…[...]
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It’s Not Going Swimmingly
(My husband and I have just started to try to conceive, instead of just leaving it to luck or chance. After an intimate night, he asks me to position myself…[...]
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Boo And Boo-Two, Too
(I’ve fallen into the bad habit of calling both my boyfriend and my cat ‘Boo,’ which leads to confusion such as this.)Me: *to the cat* “Hey, boo!”Boyfriend: “Are you talking…[...]
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This Pregnancy Thing Is Beginning To Stick
(I have just taken a pregnancy test and discovered that I am not expecting. My husband and I are now heading out to the car to go about our day.…[...]
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Fuzzy On The Definition
(My husband and I are relaxing on a couch, individually looking at our phones. I’m absentmindedly running my hand over my scalp; I’ve recently gotten my hair trimmed almost buzz-cut…[...]
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We Don’t Sell Dating Simulators
(I work at a video game store. As a female employee, I’m unfortunately used to being hit on by customers while working. I approach a pair of customers on the…[...]
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Zombie Weddings: It’s The Next Big Thing
(My hubby and I are watching a family on on [Video Website]. They’re vlogging at their sister’s wedding. The vlogger is dancing with his sister during the father-daughter dance.)Husband: “Why…[...]
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When A Ferret Becomes A Weasel
(My boyfriend and I are watching the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter series. It’s my boyfriend’s first time watching it. In this movie, a teacher transforms a student into…[...]
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Behaving Fairly Fairy
Some friends and I are at a party over Halloween weekend. One of them is dressed as the Good Fairy and carries a wand which is handmade of pretty thick…[...]
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Not Single(Mother) Minded
(A female coworker starts a conversation with me, a male, about relationships. It’s very friendly and casual. We’re about the same age. I’m single, never married. She’s been going through…[...]
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Thrifty With Love
(My older sister and I have finished shopping at a thrift store and are waiting in line to check out. There are lots of families in the store, and soon…[...]
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A Jedi Shall Not Know Love…
(I am a huge Star Wars fan, and after years and years I am finally buying the complete series, Episodes I – VI, on Blu-ray. I am 25 and have…[...]
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Never Have Truer Words Ever Been Spoken
(I’ve run out of ideas for dinner, so I dump some leftover spaghetti sauce onto a casserole dish full of cooked macaroni, cover it all with cheese, and stick it…[...]
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Hat’s Off For The Attempt
Years ago, my husband’s uncle was shopping for lingerie for his wife. Unfortunately, he really did not know anything about bra sizes, let alone what size his wife wore.When the…[...]
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Ex-Box, Part 4
(It’s my birthday. I am surprised to open a present from my girlfriend: a brand new Xbox. I am even more surprised to see the box open, and every game…[...]
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Childish Chocoholics
(Halloween isn’t an official holiday in Australia, although some children will trick or treat. We always buy chocolate just in case. The day after Halloween:)Husband: *stuffing his face with chocolate*…[...]
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My Wife, My Love, My Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card
(It’s our 25th wedding anniversary.)Me: “You seem not so happy. Why? What’s on your mind, baby?”Husband: “I just remembered this day 25 years ago. Your father told me to marry…[...]
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Mining This For All It’s Worth
(I’m teaching my girlfriend to play an old video game where you destroy blocks that slowly move towards you by putting “mines” on the ground and detonating them later. The…[...]
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Your Fiancé Is An Armful
(I’m trying to prepare a simple meal that involves putting frozen food on baking trays, which I line with aluminium foil. My fiancé comes into the kitchen to “help.” He…[...]
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It Wouldn’t Cost You Your Soul To Be More Romantic
(My girlfriend and I are on a romantic walk, and we stop to sit near a pleasant stream and make deep and meaningful conversation. She is saying how she feels…[...]
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Getting Checked Out At Check Out
(A random guy walks up to my register and winks before I’ve even said anything.)Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Is this all today?”Customer: “Are you for sale?” *winks*Me: “No.” *starts ringing…[...]
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Laughable Legality
(My partner is watching TV and starts laughing. They keep laughing for a good few minutes.)Me: “Something funny?”(They keep laughing, and then they fall off the couch. I wait for…[...]
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“Every Day” With You Is Another Day Wasted
(I get invited to go camping with a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. I agree, thinking it’ll be fun, but things eventually change.…[...]
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Diving Into The Deep End Of Double Standards
(I’ve recently graduated and have returned to my old pool job to pay off some student debt. A lot of my coworkers are younger, and they sometimes like to gossip…[...]
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This Is Not A Normal Relationship
(My classmate has a new boyfriend whom she already adores. For the purposes of this story, I feel that it’s important to mention that she is a white girl, and…[...]
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Plan Ruined By A Single Response
(I am a teller at a bank. An elderly man comes up to my window.)Elderly Man: “Hello, there.”Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”Elderly Man: “Are you married?”(Older customers…[...]
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For The Love Of Pod!
Me: “You folded and put away my laundry? Who are you and what have you done with my real girlfriend!?”Girlfriend: *starts to cough because she has the flu on top…[...]
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Manage For Years To Come
My husband works in a different town and only comes home on the weekends. He’s been doing that for over ten years now, and I am completely in charge of…[...]
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