Totally Estúpido! Part 14
I just boarded the airplane with my significant other traveling on vacation. The flight attendant is attempting to explain to an Asian couple that doesn’t speak English that they can’t…[...]
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Just Wait Until You Get To The 420
My husband and I are driving along Highway 520 near Seattle. I grew up in the area and he didn’t, so I’m not sure if he knows that once we…[...]
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As They Say, It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere
I’m in a fast food restaurant when I see a man walking to a table with a paper tray of Mexican food and a beer.Man: “It is after twelve noon.…[...]
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Sometimes Life Gives You Lemons
My wife has two cats, and they are very well taken care of. We often joke that they eat better than us some days and more often, it’s not really…[...]
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Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 3
Anyone up for another Potong Jalan story?After a day of soldiering, my section likes to sit down in bunk and play trading cards. One of my sectionmates likes using a…[...]
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You Could Always Walk Home
While on my way to the airport to pick up my boyfriend, I get stuck in heavy traffic after a semi rolls on the road, blocking all but one lane.…[...]
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When You Don’t Even Know What You Don’t Know
My husband is a mechanical engineer. He has been working from home lately, and he’s really enjoying it, for the most part. It is my day off, and I have…[...]
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Next Step Is A Giant Neon Sign
I’m notorious for forgetting where I’ve left my car in a car park. I literally leave the car park and the location of my car is just deleted from my…[...]
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Un-Beer-Lievably Unromantic
For Christmas one year, I make my niece’s partner a personalised drink can holder using a photo of their daughter. I put a can of beer in it before giving…[...]
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Last Christmas, I Gave You My Heart
It’s the night before Christmas Eve at around 11:00 pm and I’ve arrived home after a long day at work, totally exhausted. I’m walking the stairs up to the apartment…[...]
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Making A Song And Dance About Your Relationship
During the last three months, my husband has spent more time on his computer than usual. He sometimes apologizes, and he says he is too busy with something unspecified. I…[...]
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Slippering That One Right Past Her
My wife has been eying up these popular — and normally expensive — slippers for months. As it’s Christmas, I buy a pair and have them wrapped up ready. I…[...]
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Sing For The Joy Of Singing
I love to sing, but from a young age, I’ve been told that I’m not good at it and I shouldn’t sing by multiple people, including my dad and brothers.…[...]
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Everyone Loves A Repeat Offender
I’m a manager at a video game store. I’m working with my coworker today, since it’s a busy weekend. As a woman, I’m used to occasional degrading comments but nothing…[...]
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There’s One In Every Relationship
While dropping off my kids at my mother’s for a sleepover, I get a text from my husband of eighteen years that says, “You know, I would be lost without…[...]
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How Dare Women Exist In Public?!
When we are still dating, my husband gets tickets to the local NFL team game. Like all arenas and public venues, the seats are mashed in to make room for…[...]
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Read The (Hospital) Room, Buddy!
My father has high blood pressure, and from time to time, he experiences prolonged nosebleeds. If the bleeding lasts longer than twenty minutes, he must be taken to the hospital.…[...]
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“Legal” Doesn’t Mean “Not Creepy”
I am eighteen and have recently graduated high school when I decide to go to a local anime and comic convention. It’s worth noting that I’m only five feet tall…[...]
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Trust Should Go Both Ways
My boyfriend and I settle down to watch a movie. We live together and have had no trust issues until now.Boyfriend: “So… there’re some things on your computer that I…[...]
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The Worst Kind Of Wedgie
I make the mistake of not putting my new underwear in a lingerie bag when I wash them in the washing machine. I should’ve washed them by hand, in hindsight.…[...]
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Sleep Cannot Stop Our Love!
I am unable to sleep and am reading a book on my phone. My boyfriend has been asleep beside me for two hours. Suddenly, he jerks and makes what sounds…[...]
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Didn’t You Learn To Use Your Words In Kindergarten?
My boyfriend and I are at a friend’s house when we witness this interaction. My friend’s boyfriend grabs her bra strap and pulls it. In response, she turns around and…[...]
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Morning Sickness For Everyone!
My fiancée and I both have a weird sense of humor. It’s what drew us to each other. One night, we’re both lying in bed, about to go to sleep,…[...]
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Sew A Patch On This Marriage
I’ve recently picked up embroidery. I have a hard time using my full-sized scissors on the thread, so I look for my small ones and find them in the spare…[...]
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I Prefer Dean, Personally
I live with my boyfriend. I also talk in my sleep. One night, I dream that I am making love to my TV crush, and I must be extra talky…[...]
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Boyfriend.exe Has Stopped Working
My boyfriend and I are about to go into the living room to watch a movie. He’s standing at the door waiting. I’m changing from flip flops into socks and…[...]
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This Sounds Like A Fair Deal To Us
My wife cooks; I clean up after. It’s a system that works really well for us, as she hates doing the washing up and I find basic cooking dull.Occasionally, I…[...]
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Those Meds Will Turn You Into A Real Joker
Due to stupidity on my part, I’m having to deal with intense pain in my jaw from a cracked tooth which is preventing me from sleeping. As there are weeks…[...]
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We Get The Feeling He Knows Where He Stands
Me: *In an increasingly silly voice* “I love you! I love you! I looove yooouu!”Husband: *From the other room* “I love you, too!”Me: *Quietly, to the dog* “Shoot. Should we…[...]
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Time To Cor-go And Sleep On The Couch
I’m eight months pregnant and have noticed throughout my pregnancy that my two dogs and my boyfriend have gotten progressively needier.I was already in bed sleeping with the dogs when…[...]
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You Can’t Just Go Around Licking People’s Bean Bags!
My husband has a padded tray he uses for his laptop. Noticing it’s damp, he sighs and turns to our dog.Husband: “You’ve been licking my bean bag, haven’t you?”I dissolve…[...]
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Sometimes That’s All It Takes
My wife and I text while she is at work. I receive this message.Wife: “Today hasn’t been a good day. :(”A few minutes later: Wife: “Oh, it got a bit better.…[...]
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How Were They A Tease?! HOW?!
I’m about eighteen. An old friend is moving away and is having a going-away party. A lot of friends I haven’t seen in a long time show up, so we’re…[...]
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This Relationship Doesn’t Sound Like A Party
I’m a woman and one of my best friends is a man. We tend to make pretty crude jokes to each other. One day, I find a truly awful piece…[...]
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Take Care Of Your Partner. Period.
My period has never been regular or predictable, so I try to have supplies on hand at all times. My boyfriend helpfully purchases a small cabinet for his room and…[...]
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They Don’t Know. But I Know.
I work in a small, locally-owned toy shop in a little college town; however, we have a lot of down-to-earth people and families.A couple comes in with three kids and…[...]
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Washing The Misogyny Right Out Of Him
When my aunt and uncle get married, around 1970, my uncle makes the unfortunately typical male assumption that my aunt will be doing all the housework, even though both of…[...]
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These Puns Are Criminal
My husband and I are lying in bed, having our usual pre-sleep recap of our days.Husband: “[Boss] was giving us an overview of the candidates coming in for interviews. He…[...]
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Haven’t You Heard Of Tinder?
I’m at work when my company cell phone rings; it’s an unfamiliar number. I pick up and a man is on the line. He apparently does not hear the voice…[...]
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How To Start A Pillow Fight In Six Words Or Less
My family is taking a redeye flight across the country. The plane has a two-five-two seating configuration and I am sitting on the side with our older daughter while my…[...]
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Just Wait For All This To Blow Over
Me: “If I was bitten by a zombie, what would you do?”Husband: “Shhhhh… Wait? What kind of zombie? Shaun Of The Dead, World War Z or Night Of The Living…[...]
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Things Are About To Get Heated
My boyfriend has recently gotten a new stove in his home, finally replacing the previous model from the 1980s. He has read the instruction booklet and is absolutely thrilled to…[...]
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Love Is Blind To Only So Much
My friend sets me up on a blind date with a friend of hers. She describes her as a good match for me so I agree to go.On the date,…[...]
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You Must Be New Here
Husband: “What is your email address?”Me: “First initial, last name, and the month and day of my birthday.”Husband: “How do you spell that?”[...]
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I Think I Read A Fanfiction Like This Once
I’m an out-and-proud lesbian. I left the closet at age six and never looked back.My best friend and I have been BFFs since we were toddlers, and my parents basically…[...]
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The Only Thing Blowing Up Is Your Relationship
I’m on a trip to London with my girlfriend. We’re on the tube. I’m reading; she’s on her phone. Someone sits down opposite us, who happens to be a Muslim…[...]
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Too Much Sugar Isn’t Good For You
I make a post on a website explaining that I’ve lost my job, asking for donations to help me cut down on debt while I search for a job and…[...]
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Bad Translations Will Undo Close-Knit Families
A knitting pattern and some wool I ordered arrive.Me: *To my boyfriend* “Crap. The pattern is exclusively in French. Do we know anyone who knits and speaks French?”Boyfriend: “Why? You…[...]
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Somebody’s Being A Real Tool Here
I do a lot of work around the house — repairs and DIY. I have been thinking about building some fitted wardrobes, so when my wife keeps pushing me for…[...]
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Money/Family Matters
My wife and I had similar upbringings but grew up with very different approaches to money. I save and am very risk-averse; she spends and enjoys it. We complement each…[...]
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Crossing The Line From Hangry To Unacceptable
My boyfriend is about seven inches taller than me and much broader. We are on a six-hour car journey and we stop at a service station to get some petrol…[...]
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A Tough Drink To Swallow
My last relationship was beyond bad; he was all sorts of abusive and controlling. At one point, I had the strength to break up with him, but then we got…[...]
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Whatever Happened To, “Hi, Nice To Meet You”?
I’m in a coffee shop drinking a coffee, and some guy approaches my table with a glowing smile like he has spotted a close friend.Guy: “Jamie! What’s up? Long time,…[...]
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Some Guys Just Say The Wrong Name In Bed
My boyfriend and I are lying in bed in his very small apartment, having just been intimate. Suddenly, he bolts upright and screams:Boyfriend: “CHICKEN!”He did it with such ferocity and…[...]
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Protesting Too Much, Huh?
I’m at a convention with my boyfriend. He’s been rather nasty as of late but he’s been okay at the convention. I’ve cosplayed a character that has very pale skin…[...]
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If Only There Was A Bobble Hat For Every Black Hat
My sisters and I are on a family skiing holiday in France with our dad; we are from England. I’ve gotten into the hotel lift with one of my younger…[...]
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Rake ‘Em Across The Coals
I’ve just come home from a cycling tour which took a little longer than I thought and therefore was quite tiresome. My wife has been working in the garden and…[...]
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Sounds Like You Need One For Every Room
I have a horrible habit of bringing my glasses cloth into our living room and losing it. My wife finds it funny and likes to tease me about it.I just…[...]
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We Know Our Enablers Very Well
I’m relaxing on the couch with my boyfriend. We both are almost at the stage of sleep when I suddenly bolt straight up and head to the front door. When…[...]
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Quick! Write That Down!
My girlfriend and I are coming home after double-dating with one of our friends and we’re commenting on their relationship. The friends had a pretty big fight about when their…[...]
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The Language Barrier Isn’t Empfindlich
I majored in German in college and spent my junior year living in Germany. I was extremely socially inept back then. I made friends with this guy and he came…[...]
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It’s As Simple As That
My husband is working a late shift. I go to the garden gate with him to see him off. A woman and a little girl are walking past in the…[...]
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Thank Goodness He’s A Then-Boyfriend And Not A Now-Boyfriend
I trip up some stairs and do damage to my foot, resulting in some pain in my toes which is particularly bad when the middle toe is touched. My then-boyfriend…[...]
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Watch Your Fookie-ng Mouth
My partner and I are trying to clear our baking cupboard of ingredients. As such, we have found a basic cookie recipe to amend. We chuck in a bunch of…[...]
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Look, Here Comes A Consequence, Consequence, Consequence
When I was in college, we had a very attractive girl in our dorm who in today’s world would have been a social media star. Since things like Instagram, TikTok,…[...]
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Your First Dance Will Be Your Last
I was asked to be the best man at a friend’s wedding a good twelve or so years ago. He was an ex-serviceman and she was his childhood sweetheart.I’d been…[...]
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Bullet Dodged!
I was bullied in middle school for my grades and my looks. I was a very short, shy, overweight girl. I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that can…[...]
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It’s Nice To Be Nice To The Nice
My boyfriend and I have just been intimate. We’re sitting on the bed chatting about it.Boyfriend: “And you were all, ‘Tell me I’m bad! Tell me I’ve been bad!’ but…[...]
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He’s Everything You Ever Want, Everything You Ever Need
Me: “We should watch that circus movie starring not-Hugh-Grant.” Husband: “You mean The Greatest Showman with Hugh Jackman?” Me: *Laughing* “Yes. That’s the one!”I love it when he knows what I’m talking…[...]
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He’ll Be Flying On That Pun High For Ages
My husband and I are sitting in the living room talking when we hear a strange, loud, mechanical sound coming from outside.Me: “Wow, some really weird plane must be flying…[...]
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Is It Smaller? Then It’s Not Wrong
My husband and I are folding laundry. He picks up an infant swaddler for our two-week-old baby. It’s an odd garment with a pouch and two wings.Husband: “Honey, how do…[...]
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His Name Is Over The Cuckoo’s Nest And Over Your Head
There is one particular actor who, for whatever reason, my brain absolutely refuses to record the name of. I have seen him in at least a dozen movies, in a…[...]
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All Women Learn To Fear The “Hey”
I meet this guy at a party. At first, we hit it off, and we keep talking on social media, but after some time, he starts giving me some really…[...]
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You Got Grass Growing On Your Roof?
We live under the flight path of a nearby small airport. Once in a while, there is an unusual engine noise and we see a vintage plane of one type…[...]
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The Sigh Of Relief Heard Around The World
I’m home from university during my first year. I’m out with some friends from my hometown, catching up over a few drinks. I get a text message from my girlfriend.…[...]
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Is It Smaller? Then It’s Not Wrong
My husband and I are folding laundry. He picks up an infant swaddler for our two-week-old baby. It’s an odd garment with a pouch and two wings.Husband: “Honey, how do…[...]
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His Name Is Over The Cuckoo’s Nest And Over Your Head
There is one particular actor who, for whatever reason, my brain absolutely refuses to record the name of. I have seen him in at least a dozen movies, in a…[...]
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All Women Learn To Fear The “Hey”
I meet this guy at a party. At first, we hit it off, and we keep talking on social media, but after some time, he starts giving me some really…[...]
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You Got Grass Growing On Your Roof?
We live under the flight path of a nearby small airport. Once in a while, there is an unusual engine noise and we see a vintage plane of one type…[...]
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The Sigh Of Relief Heard Around The World
I’m home from university during my first year. I’m out with some friends from my hometown, catching up over a few drinks. I get a text message from my girlfriend.…[...]
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So… No Second Date?
I make plans to go to a movie with a girl I met on a dating app. I pick her up because she doesn’t have money for gas and begin…[...]
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Getting To The Meat Of Your Problems
My girlfriend and I are attending the wedding of one of her friends. When it gets to dinner, I’m served chicken.Me: “Err, when you ordered the meals, did you get…[...]
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I DEFINITELY DO NOT WORK HERE
I am studying in the park by my house one afternoon when a cute guy around my age, wearing a sweatshirt from my college, sits down directly next to me.…[...]
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Yeesh. Grow Up.
One of the best things about being thirty and older is that you develop a low tolerance for drama in partnerships, gaining a deeper perspective in life as you discover…[...]
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Enough To Make You (Star)Scream
I am playing a quiz game with my wife. Me: “Who is the leader of the Decepticons?”Wife: “I don’t know. Evil Optimus Prime. Optimus Crime.”[...]
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Raising The Bar For Flirting
It’s January of 2009. I am a regular at a bar a few blocks from my house. One of the bartenders is absolutely eye-catching: tall, blonde, busty, leggy, and openly…[...]
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He’ll Grasp The Concept Eventually
My husband’s cell phone rings. After the preliminary “Hello” and irrelevant details:Caller: “This is [Caller] with [Investment Company] and it’s time for your semi-annual account review. When can we schedule…[...]
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As British As Eating Gelato On A Vespa
I live in Italy. I’ve always been a fan of British men’s clothing, especially the country, gentlemanly style, but as a young student, I cannot justify the expense. While on…[...]
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Here’s A Tip: Everybody Lies, Especially On The Internet
A few years ago, I tried online dating. I started talking to a guy who portrayed himself as being fairly wealthy, with pictures of sports cars, beach houses, and mountain…[...]
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Being A Man Sure Is Handy Sometimes
My husband, toddler, and I are getting ready to go on a hike. I have a Shewee — a female urination device — so I don’t have to squat in…[...]
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He Drove Her To It (And Everything Else)
This is my grandmother’s story; my family has been telling the tale for decades. Grandpa himself told it to his daughter’s fiancé as a lesson in not underestimating his new…[...]
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This Trip Will Be One For The Books
My wonderful family of four is on a trip to visit family and friends. Four years ago, on a trip with the same itinerary as this one, I booked our…[...]
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The Worst Possible Way To Spend Your Lunch Break
I have just been hired by a new online bank. A man calls in to sort out something on his bank account, and I fix it for him with no…[...]
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The Windows Are Open But No One Is Home
After work one day, I stopped by the store to get some stuff for dinner. I had gotten little sleep the night before, and I accidentally locked my keys in…[...]
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This Wet Blanket Is Throwing In The Towel
I dated a woman for a little over a year when I was twenty-five to twenty-six. She was funded by her family in China but she preferred to take whatever…[...]
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Did Everything Just Taste Purple For A Second?
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.I am an elementary school teacher working with kids aged four to six. My…[...]
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Look Again, Deer
I am driving on the interstate with my wife when the cars in front of us slam to a halt.Me: “What’s going on? Oh, there’s a deer in the road.”Wife:…[...]
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Your Most Valuable Possession
We’ve recently been having issues with our garage door, as it will often start to close, make a weird noise, and then open back up. One day, I drop my…[...]
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She So Didn’t Ace This One
I’m a cis female. I go with some friends of mine to an LGBT bar to celebrate my friend’s birthday, and we’re all dressed up for it. The bar is…[...]
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Sounds Like Someone Dodged A Bullet
I’m sitting in a nice cafe at a small table close to the window. I’m sipping a drink when a woman lumps herself down at my table opposite me.Woman: “Before…[...]
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