(I have brought home some sort of artisan smoked bacon gouda. My boyfriend reads the package and sneers disdainfully.)

Boyfriend: “This bacon-everything craze is overrated. It’s probably gross.”

Me: “Yeah, but it was half-off clearance, so I figured why not?” 

(I say this, turning my back momentarily. I turn back around to see my boyfriend, eyes dilated with the remains of the package that looks like it’s been ravaged by a raccoon.) 

Boyfriend: “Can… can you get more?”

Me: “Did you even save me any?!”

Boyfriend: “NO!” *snarls, backing away and gathering his beard crumbs possessively*