My husband was not well educated growing up; his “homeschooling” was essentially whatever he learned by watching his older siblings and online videos. A lot of his knowledge — particularly reading — is self-taught.

We recently bought a new water heater and our first water softener. The water softener was no problem, but the heater was a beast. I asked if [Husband] needed help removing the old one from the basement. He insisted he was fine because his brother was coming over. It was an eighty-gallon heater with years of calcium built up inside, so it was not light. I left the boys to their dirty work and started on dinner.

About an hour later, [Brother] brought [Husband] in, one arm draped over his shoulders.

Me: “What happened?!”

Husband: “I was trying to lift the old heater and something in my back popped.”

Me: “Okay, let’s lay you down on the couch and I’ll get an ice pack. [Brother], start Googling pulled muscles versus herniated discs. [Husband], do you think you need to go to the hospital?”

Husband: “No, I’ll just die here. Don’t let the cats eat me.”

Me: “And waste all this free food? That’s pretty selfish.”

Brother: *Ignoring the cat talk* “I think he pulled a muscle.”

Me: “Okay, rest for a while. Here’s the ice pack.”

[Husband] spent the night on the couch, unable to get up. The next morning, I helped him hobble to the bathroom.

Me: “Is it better or worse? Or just the same?”

Husband: “I don’t know… It hurts! I’m an imbecile!”

Me: *Laughing* “Well, yeah, a little bit. Why did you try to lift it alone?”

Husband: “I didn’t think it was that heavy once it was emptied.”

Me: “Ah. You want me to draw you a bath? You can use the hot water from the fancy new heater!”

Husband: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.”

Husband: “Wait.”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “What’s the word for someone who gets hurt and can’t walk?”

Me: “Um… an invalid?”

Husband: “What word did I use before?”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “‘Imbecile’.”

Husband: “What is that?”

Me: “Well… you weren’t wrong when you called yourself an imbecile. It’s basically… a stupid person. Like someone who tries to lift an eighty-gallon water heater alone.”

Husband: “Fair enough. I’ll take it.”

He did recover with a few days of rest and pain meds. And now he has two new words in his vocabulary!