May 2001, Central High School Tuscaloosa, Alabama, AP Stats

“You should definitely stay put,” said Janiyah. “Why would you change and then risk getting the wrong door?”

Mr. Nade had assigned the Monty Hall problem for homework the night before and his small class of three juniors, Janiyah, Amina and Thomas, were passionately arguing if it was mathematically correct to stay on their selected door or change to the unopened door.

“Because you probably got it wrong in the first place.” said Amina dismissively.

“What is that supposed to mean?” responded Janiyah.

Recently, Amina had been taking an unassigned TA role in the class and it had been bothering Thomas and Janiyah. Their sophomore year, the last year Central was integrated, Amina had been in constant competition with the top performing honors math students who were mostly white. Now with them gone, Amina felt a constant need to lead the class and assert her dominance.

“When you picked the first door you probably got it wrong because there is one car and two goats. If the dealer shows another goat, that means you probably will get a car if you switch. Easy.” said Amina smugly.

“What if she picked the right one? Then what?” said Thomas. Thomas was generally quiet and let Janiyah and Amina butt heads, but he didn’t like how Amina was acting and he truly didn’t understand the problem.

“Well that would be a different case I guess… I don’t know, I am pretty sure my answer is right. I wish we could actually look up the answer. I guess we will have to wait for Mr. Nade.” said a frustrated Amina.

Mr. Nade had been listening outside the door for about two minutes by then. He was running late from a meeting with Principal Coates about if he was going to stay at Central or go to the newly established Northridge High. While Principal Coates showered him with praises and reminded him of his unique and essential role in the students’ lives, Mr. Nade was not sure he could turn down Northridge’s life-changing offer. As he listened to his students debate through the door, he reflected on how far they had come and how they had had the opportunities to go further continuously taken away from them.

“You do know Amina. Your answer is right. You want to switch to give you a ⅔ chance of getting the car after the goat is revealed. You had a ⅔ chance of getting a goat initially and a ⅓ chance of a car so switching is the best move”, said Mr. Nade as he walked in the classroom and carefully went over the work the students had done on the board.

“I told you so! I’m usually right y’all.” Amina proudly proclaimed as she looked directly at Janiyah. Mr. Nade could tell that Janiyah and Thomas were not too happy about how this played out. Amina had been one of the best performing black students at Central since Freshman year, and she was often right. The only students that really challenged her were the white students and most of them were gone to Northridge.

“Well if you think you are better than us, why don’t you go join your friends at Northridge?” asked Thomas angrily.

This comment genuinely surprised Mr. Nade. Yes Amina was often annoying about her abilities, but those three had been best friends since their Freshman year. Amina had performed significantly better than the other two, but they were all consistently in the same honors classes and had what looked like an unbreakable bond.

The truth was, Amina kinda wanted to go to Northridge. She was as competitive as they came and knew that Northridge was where she could get the resources and instruction she needed to go to Spelman and eventually become an engineer. While she loved Central, and specifically Mr. Nade, deep down, she wished she could escape toward opportunity.

“You know what Thomas, if I didn’t live in Rosedale I probably would be going to Northridge. Maybe they would appreciate my brilliance!” said a flustered Amina as she stormed out. The reality was that many of Amina’s best friends had transferred there, and every day she was reminded of the fact that students she had once competed with would now beat her purely on opportunity. Amina felt she deserved more.

There had been many days like this that year. The students were really feeling the change in environment, and they were particularly sensitive this year. Mr. Nade’s approach to these situations was usually to stay mostly silent and lend a listening and loving ear. Janiyah and Thomas stared out the door for a few seconds, seemingly shocked that Amina stormed out. After the moment had passed, they turned their heads to their teacher who was looking back at them also gauging a response.

“Mr. Nade, we are so happy you are going to be here for our senior year. It feels like everything is falling apart.” said Thomas disappointedly as he opened his notebook preparing to take notes on the lesson.

Mr. Nade did not know how to respond to this, and he didn’t know if he should. The truth was that he had not made a final decision but every day that passed at Central made him realize that he may not have as much of a choice as he thought. While he loved the students, he was not enjoying the work anymore. He couldn’t teach his classes with rigor because there weren’t resources. He couldn’t change their minds because the students lost their motivation. Mr. Nade promised himself that if he ever felt his love for teaching dwindling, for any reason, that he would change schools or careers. Mr. Nade felt the weight and inevitability of that promise heavily.

“Thomas, you are right, so many things are changing. We don’t know what next year will bring. Let’s just try to finish this year strong.” said Mr. Nade.

At this answer, both Thomas and Janiyah quickly understood what his ambiguous comment implied. Their favorite teacher was also considering jumping ship. Whether it was certain or not, that moment reinforced to the students that nothing they love has any level of permanence or consistency. Neither Thomas nor Janiyah said another word for the rest of the lesson.

Mr. Nade ended up dismissing the class early like he had to do many times this year when things got gloomy and the students weren’t feeling it. As the students left the classroom, Mr. Nade began his ritual of cleaning up his room. On good days, lessons were dynamic and flowing, so he had to make it a real ritual to tidy up thoroughly. He enjoyed picking up the papers from the floors and tables and seeing all the calculations and problems from class. He enjoyed marveling at the ideas and diagrams drawn by students on the chalkboard before erasing. This was evidence of his students’ brilliance. Evidence the world would probably never see.

As Mr. Nade walked out the building through the main hall, he could feel the heaviness all over him. The soul was sucked out of the school. Walls once filled with artwork, college application posters, and school events were as barren as ever before. The halls once loud with the sounds of the most diverse perspectives, ideas, debates were now remarkably quiet in comparison. Central felt gray. No sense of identity. No connection to the future. Hopeless. Colorless.