(My boyfriend and I are hanging around the toy section of a supermarket. There is a stuffed Hei Hei [the derpy chicken from “Moana”] that makes noise when you press it. Of course, my boyfriend presses it, and the chicken screams. We have gone further down the store, and can still hear it screaming.)

Me: “You unleashed the evilest thing in the store.”

Boyfriend: *singing* “Well, what can I say except ‘you’re welcome’? I made you laugh; I’m off the hook. Get it?”