(I have been trying my luck on a dating site, with not much to show for it so far. I am near the end of date number two with this gentleman and the conversation has turned to our families. I mention my father has cancer and that we’re planning a large family vacation soon.)

Date: “Oh, man, I’m so sorry to hear that… Well, hey, at least I can be your new daddy, right? *winks at me*

(I went home and decided to give up on dating for a while.)