(One of our cats has gotten sick, so we’ve taken her to the vet. After the exam, they take her off to give her a couple of shots. Left alone, I start fiddling with various things in the exam room, one of which is a length of rope with a loop in it, probably used to attach to leashes. I slip one end of the rope through the loop and let it drop to my crotch, and am about to say, “Look, honey…I’m hung like a horse.” Instead…)

Fiancée: “You’re going to need a much smaller rope.”

Me: *throwing the rope aside* “Shut up. I hate you.”