(We’re having a yard sale. I open the garage door to get something when one of the customers spots the couch we have in there and asks if it’s for sale because he and his roommate need one. Though I hadn’t planned on it, the couch doesn’t get any use and just sits there collecting dust, so I make a deal to sell it to him. My husband comes home later and sees us loading the couch into the back of his truck.)

Husband: “Why are they taking my couch?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t get any use and we need to fix the kitchen sink.”

Husband: “But it’s mine!”

Me: “Actually it was mine, if you don’t remember, and we haven’t used it since we bought the other couch three years ago.”

Husband: “But I sat on it! It has the imprint of my butt in it!”

Customer: “Well, sorry, but it’s mine now. I already licked it.”

Customer’s Roommate: “I licked it, too. It’s both of ours now.”

(I was laughing too hard to add anything to that. My husband moped for three days and then seemed to forget all about my couch that we never used anymore.)