(I work as a pharmacy technician and wear barcode stickers on my hands to easily identify myself to the computer. Today I forgot to take them off before picking my husband up from work resulting in obligatory “what would you cost if we rang you through the register?” jokes. Also important: we recently announced I’m pregnant.)

Husband’s Coworker: “I’m sure whatever you ring up for it would be too high for [Husband] to afford you.”

Husband: “It’s true. I got her on sale.”

Me: “It’s a two-for-the-price-of-one special.”