My wife was an elected county official. This story takes place on the afternoon of Halloween. That day, the courthouse employees brought finger foods, and many wore some fashion of a costume to work.

I decided, unbeknownst to my wife, that I was going to dress for the occasion and walk the five blocks from my office downtown to the courthouse and pay her a visit.

I was able to fit into one of her drop-waist, size-ten dresses: an ugly yellow with big black polka-dots. I bought a costume wig at the five-and-dime, wadded up a small bath towel for padding on one side and a hand towel for the other side, and wore knee highs rolled down to my ankles.

When I got to the courthouse, I sat outside my wife’s office door and had one of her girls tell her there was a woman in the outer office with a problem. When my wife came up behind me, I could tell she did not recognize that ugly dress or me until I jumped up to give her a hug. She shrieked and ran into her office.

On the way back to my office, I had to wait for a traffic light at the busiest intersection in our town. Because it was difficult to walk with my stride in that dress, I hiked it up almost to my waist. (I had on walking shorts under the dress.)

A guy in the first car shot a leer at me until he realized he wasn’t being flashed by a woman.

Guys, take it from me. Don’t use lipstick. Boy, that stuff is hard to get off!