My datemate is over at my place, and we’ve just been relaxing and enjoying an extended makeout session.

I pause to have a drink of water from my bedside water bottle

Datemate: “Oh, can I have a drink, too? My cup is empty, and I don’t want to get up to fill it.”

Me: “Sure.”

I hand him the water bottle and then watch as he tries to rearrange himself.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Datemate: “Trying to get it so I can waterfall from the bottle to my mouth so I don’t touch it and get spit on it. I’m being considerate!”

Me: “[Datemate]… I have been drinking your saliva for the last three hours. I cannot emphasize enough how much it doesn’t matter if you touch my drink bottle.”