My wife is pregnant with our first child. We have just gotten the crib for the nursery, and it’s slightly larger than we planned on it being, so we need to rearrange the room some. We are having a disagreement about where the crib should go.

Me: “I think we should put it over here. That way, he’s farther from the window, so he won’t get hit with sunlight so directly.”

Wife: “No, I think it should be over here because—”

My wife suddenly doubles over and lets out a yelp. I rush over to check on her and make sure she’s okay. She confirms she’s all right.

Wife: “I’m pretty sure he just drop-kicked my kidney. I’m also pretty sure he’s on your side about the room. Away from the window, it is.”